Now put both hands up and pull them down across your chest and go BLAH 🙅🏼🗣
Because we're going to kick its ass anyway 👊🏼
This time yesterday I could have burst into tears for 3 reasons;
1. After 2 wonderful weeks off work (which was much needed btw) it was time to go to bed early because my alarm was set for 6am...6.10am...6.20am...6.30am...
6.40am...6.50am and finally 7am, the time I actually get up for work (apart from the days I snooze for an extra 20 minutes and am late).
2. I feel enormous. I'm big, I know I'm big and I don't care! I don't want to be unhealthy or anything but I've always been overweight and after a year of self discovery I've totally learnt to love my curves, but after a very greedy Christmas, with a load of lush food and copious amounts of alcohol (glug glug) I'm feeling a bit meh!
3. My husband turned 30 on New Years Eve and for the last few months I was planning a surprise trip and a surprise party for him. We went away last week (it was amazing) and we had the party on Saturday (also amazing) but after all that planning and build up of excitement it's all over 😭
So I went to bed last night absolutely cream crackered, but as soon as my head hit the pillow BING 👀 wide awake with the "back to work tomorrow anxiety, unable to switch your brain off head" that's a thing right? I think the last time I checked the clock it was about 3am and I must have had about 2 hours sleep and darling...me needs my beauty sleep!
After the 7th alarm I dragged myself out of bed, pulled myself together and drove to work, or I might have floated, I'm not sure, I think I slept most of the way there.
Got to work today and although it was lovely to see my work pals, I was back at my desk, feeling fat and so very tired AND spotty (I forgot to add spotty to the list). I was eyeing up my weight watchers chicken pasta thinking is this it?
By 2pm I was almost asleep at my desk, the office was hot, I'd just had my dinner (and I was sooo full 🙄) and the computer screen was starting to go blurry.
The box of chocolates someone brought in were the only thing I could focus on, my brain suddenly woke up and started talking to me...
"Jessica...you need the chocolate"
"Jessica, the sugar will get you through the last 2 hours of the day"
"Jessica, you will DIE without the chocolate"
Well I mean if I'm going to die without it, I'm going to have to have it 🤷🏼♀️
5 Roses and 6 Quality Streets later I felt like I could make it through the rest of the day...half an hour later I was sleepy again and decided I needed a sugary coffee 🤦🏼♀️
4pm eventually happened, SUCCESS! I made it! The diets up the swanny but I survived my first day back!
Then I got home, looked in the mirror and thought you fat bastard. You've ate like a pig for not just the 2 weeks you were off work, but pretty much all of December and you couldn't manage your 1st day of being good, God you are so weak Jessica!!!
Then what happened?!
I washed it down with left over birthday cake, because why not? Somebody had to eat it and I hate waste, my grandma hates waste, my grandad hates waste, ooh you can't waste it! I mean yes I could have knocked at my neighbours and gave some to them (and also asked why they have put their house up for sale, you know, really make it worth my while) but no I thought better of it.
After tea and cake I came home and went to the loo. I'm sure I'm not the only one who likes to sit on the loo for ages perusing Facebook and thinking about life and stuff, it's usually where I get my best ideas and today was no different.
I recently entered a blogging competition and have been stalking other bloggers who were entering, checking out the competition and being nosey in general! Whilst on my favourite thinking spot, I saw a post on one bloggers website who had entered the competition but pulled out because of the dark bitchy side of the blogging world (even though she was doing really well and she's amazing).
I don't know any of the ins or outs of what she is referring to as she didn't bad mouth anyone or anything nasty, it was just a really honest post about being yourself. Well that's what i took from it anyway and it just really inspired me.
It reminded me that I started a blog because I wanted to inspire people and make them feel better about themselves because as cheesy as it sounds, we are all amazing in our own way and we all have something to give to this world.
Now I'm not saying that I'm going to change the world with my blog but by writing honestly about myself, my struggles, my victories, the good, the bad and the ugly. I might inspire someone else and that is a great privilege.
We all have insecurities
I have lots of insecurities but I know that they make me a stronger person.
Most of us face our insecurities everyday and everytime you do, you should give yourself a high 5 because well done you! Take these wins when they happen, they will remind you of your strength on the darker days.
My mantra is, and please use it if you want...
Life is too fucking short.
Try your best,
Be a nice person,
Wear the makeup,
Buy the dress,
Eat the cake,
Drink the wine,
Rein it in when you need to.
I feel like this post got deep real quick, so here's a picture of me on the toilet excited about writing this post, much love ❤️